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How to Say Funny in a Cynical Way

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Cynical Humor Quotes

Quotes tagged every bit "cynical-humor" Showing 1-xxx of 68
Criss Jami
"I never experience unsafe except for when the bulk is on my side."
Criss Jami, Healology

Joyce Carol Oates
"Erotic: meaning you're "desired."
For madness is seductive, sexy. Female madness.
So long equally the female is reasonably young and attractive."
Joyce Carol Oates, Blonde

Jess C. Scott
"It's weird, wedlock. It'southward like this license that gives a person the legal right to control their spouse / their 'other half."
Jess C. Scott, Blind Leading Another

Robert  Stone
"I've been waiting my whole life to fuck upwardly similar this."
Robert Stone, Dog Soldiers

Paddy Chayefsky
"I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a low. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel'south worth, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun nether the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and at that place's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to practise, and there's no terminate to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our nutrient is unfit to eat, and we sit down watching our TV'south while some local newscaster tells usa that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, every bit if that'south the way information technology's supposed to exist. We know things are bad - worse than bad. They're crazy. Information technology'due south similar everything everywhere is going crazy, so nosotros don't get out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave united states lonely in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my Tv and my steel-belted radials and I won't say anything. Just leave u.s.a. alone.' Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to anarchism - I don't want you to write to your congressman considering I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the aggrandizement and the Russians and the offense in the street. All I know is that first you've got to get mad. You've got to say, 'I'chiliad a Human being Existence, God damn it! My life has VALUE!' So I want you to become up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to become up right now and go to the window. Open up information technology, and stick your head out, and yell, 'I'G AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'Grand Non GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!' I want you to get up right at present, sit down upwards, go to your windows, open them and stick your head out and yell - 'I'1000 as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!' Things have got to alter. But first, you've gotta get mad!... You lot've got to say, 'I'm as mad as hell, and I'm non going to have this anymore!' Then nosotros'll effigy out what to do almost the low and the inflation and the oil crisis. But first become upward out of your chairs, open the window, stick your caput out, and yell, and say it: "I'M AS MAD Equally HELL, AND I'M Not GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"
Paddy Chayefsky, Network [Screenplay]

Frederik Pohl
"Anyway, that's what life is, just 1 learning experience after some other, and when y'all're through with all the learning experiences you graduate and what you get for a diploma is, you lot die."
Frederik Pohl, Gateway

Kent Anderson
"Nobody has whatever rights unless they've got a machine gun."
Kent Anderson, Dark Dogs

Abhaidev
"Ninety percent of the people are non happy with their jobs. The remaining 10 per centum don't deserve their jobs in the start place."
Abhaidev, That Thing About You

Angela Elwell Hunt
"Our town was known for 2 things--no, iii: salted fish, expertly dyed fabrics, and corruption."
Angela Elwell Hunt, Magdalene

W.H.  Mitchell
"Everyone is awful in their ain special way."
W.H. Mitchell

Paddy Chayefsky
"I would like at this moment to announce that I will exist retiring from this plan in ii weeks' time because of poor ratings. Since this bear witness is the merely thing I had going for me in my life, I've decided to kill myself. I'm going to blow my brains out right on this program a week from today. And then tune in next Tuesday. That should give the public relations people a week to promote the show. Y'all ought to get a hell of a rating out of that. fifty share, easy."
Paddy Chayefsky, Network [Screenplay]

"Yes, I clinch yous I hear you perfectly. But my ears don't practise so as deftly."
Fakeer Ishavardas

"The thing with politicians is that though they spit differently yet they shit similarly."
Fakeer Ishavardas

Rainbow Rowell
"The vibe here is very "let'due south impale a virgin, and write a Led Zepplin album about it"."
Rainbow Rowell, Conduct On

"If you say your bequeathed god is true, well so, my imaginary pal upwards there, Mr. Not, is too. Oh! And my Mr. Not says information technology is the duty of his ism's faithful to kick the barrel of every other god, and of this illusory young man'due south followers, like you. At present, is ALL THIS it okay with YOU?"
Fakeer Ishavardas

"The truth is a farthing altitude from god-ism and atheism. Were both of them, the religious basics and the atheist bull-heads to stop farting, they would at the very least get a farthing of the Truth."
Fakeer Ishavardas

"He who blows himself up for his fancy of a god, volition meet the Maker. Oh yes! As surely every bit in a game of cards, meets the king the joker."
Fakeer Ishavardas

"Yep, yeah, I know you take pride in who you are. However, practice non pass abroad without getting What Is. Or you lot'll dice as y'all are - dumb, as a religious nut. Of form, you may prefer to stay as y'all are. In that case, best of luck."
Fakeer Ishavardas

"Be skillful, you lot! no good."
Fakeer Ishavardas

"I'm going to start a organized religion in the proper name of my pal up there, Mr. NOT. I am going to call it nuttism. All nuts are welcome. And by that I mean you all, following every other nutty ism."
Fakeer Ishavardas

"Evolution could be true. Apes lick their nuts. Religious nuts do too."
Fakeer Ishavardas

Ljupka Cvetanova
"Diogenes was a cynic at his best. He was in search of an honest man but not an hones woman."
Ljupka Cvetanova, The New Land

China MiƩville
"An everyday Doomsayer in sandwich board abruptly walked abroad from what, over the last several days, had been his pitch, by the gates of a museum. The sign on his forepart was an oldschool Prophecy of the End. The i bobbing on his back read 'forget it."
Communist china MiƩville, Kraken

H.L. Mencken
"The cynics are right ix times out of ten."
Henry Louis Mencken

Garon Whited
"The milk of human being kindness curdles quickly."
Garon Whited, Fugue

Terry Pratchett
"The Patrician steepled his easily and looked at Vimes over the pinnacle of them.
'Let me give you some advice, Captain,' he said.
'Yes, sir?'
'It may aid you make some sense of the globe.'
'Sir.'
'I believe you observe life such a trouble because y'all think there are the good people and the bad people,' said the man. 'You're wrong, of class. There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides."
Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!

"I'1000 at a certain historic period and a stage whereby I've met a practiced number of human beings, as well every bit many a domestic dog. Thereby I've come to believe that almost all humans are scumbags. And all dogs are far better beings; and the called ones of God."
fakeer ishavardas

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Source: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/cynical-humor

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